fall morning
a thousand geese above
just out of range
a thousand geese above
just out of range
posted by Jim Tantillo at 9/25/2006 10:42:00 PM
Monday, September 25, 2006
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4 Comments:
This is excellent!
What do you think about changing lines 2 and 3 around? Just a thought.
would it read:
fall morning
above just out of range
a thousand geese
or
fall morning
just out of range
a thousand geese above
don't know. which reads the best?
I would suggest this:
fall morning
just out of range --
a thousand geese
since "above" is implied.
Jim, do you ever dabble in photography or art?
hi Aurora,
thinking about your "above" comment inspired the Canada goose trilogy...
The funny thing is that "out of range" could apply to a thousand geese resting as a flock on the water, just beyond one's goose decoys. Or a thousand geese in a cut cornfield, who've landed out beyond the field decoys (we've actually had this happen before--usually you don't let them all land, but you bust them up in the hopes that the next batch of geese will fly into or over the decoys).
Guess I'm still undecided. 'Above' still seems necessary to my ear.
Photograpy or art? photography, I guess. I've done exactly one haiga since I started doing this. I'd like to think about doing some more I guess.
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